About Rhoda Ondov
Rhoda Ondov MS, LMFT, CPC
Ms. Ondov is a Certified Professional Coach and an LMFT (licensed Marriage and Family Therapist), with a background in Marriage and Family Therapy, and advanced training in couples counseling. She has been helping couples and families to repair and strengthen their relationships for over 10 years. She is an authorized leader of the Weiner-Davis’ divorce-busting program Keeping Love Alive.
Ms. Ondov is happily married with two lovely children.
Why I Became a Relationship Coach
I know how it feels to go through heartache, and I know what it took to repair my own marriage. I know how important it is to preserve and improve your relationship.
Every relationship has issues and emotional drama. It’s what you DO when the problems come along that makes a good marriage or a troubled one.
When I see marriages break up, I know many of them could have stayed together, and gotten past their difficulties. It hurts to see this, and reminds me of what I almost lost.
I have helped many couples through relationship troubles to restore a good or even better relationship. Let me help you get there!
The Most Common Relationship Problem
I often hear “I love him/her, but I’m no longer IN love.”
Frankly, this is BS!
What IS true:
Expectations are disconnected from reality.
Partners don’t understand what’s causing problems.
Needs are unrecognized and not being met.
The beginning of a new relationship produces chemical changes in the brain similar to drugs. These can last anywhere from 6 to 18 months before they fade away. Many people mistake this for "true love" only to find out later that it too is lost.
There are stages of love - romantic love becomes a power struggle, complete with rebellion before it moves into stability, commitment, and co-creation.
Divorce is not a solution to relationship problems. It doesn’t bring happiness and is often regretted. And when children are involved, the partners never really escape each other or their problems, and the impact to the children is felt throughout their lives. I have seen the damage divorce can do, and it is heartbreaking, and usually avoidable with the right help.
All my life, the one thing I wanted more than anything else was love. As a child, there was never any affection expressed in my family, or explicit words of love given. We didn’t ever hug, or say I love you.
In college, I met “The One.” I knew he could be the love of my life, and he was perfect. When he invited me to join his band up in upstate NY, I was on the bus the next day, taking a semester off from college. Being his girlfriend was like paradise, and when we planned to marry, I was thrilled.
The wedding was perfect, but somehow in the back of my mind, I worried he did not really love me. At first our marriage was wonderful. But his feelings for me were not as strong as mine for him, and after a couple of years, our relationship stalled. Then he told me he didn’t really love me, and didn’t think he ever had. After a few years of marriage, he left me. I was devastated.
I married again, and this time there was more balance in our love for each other. We had both had short unsuccessful marriages before, and wanted this one to work. We had 2 wonderful boys. But then some years later, to my horror, he said he did not think he loved me, and had realized that he never really had. We spent more and more time apart, then he decided to leave. I had a sinking realization I was just not destined to find the love in life that I so desperately needed. I thought I must just be unlovable.
The pain I felt was indescribable. However, at this point in my life I was more mature, and had some training in marriage and family therapy. I had the knowledge, and the will, to turn things around. This time I would not let the relationship slip away, and I fought for my marriage. I now knew how to intervene without fighting him or begging. I was able to quietly show him the value of what we had. I looked at my own contribution to the problems. After a difficult time, he realized we had a chance.
And he was so right – we went on to create a stronger and more loving relationship. We are now happily married 35 years. My husband looks back on that crisis and realizes what he almost gave up, and how lucky he is that we avoided that disaster.
I have learned much from both experience and training. Whether your situation is like mine or not, I can help you get to that place of love you have only dreamed of.