Recovery From Infidelity
Program for Recovery From Infidelity
1. Awareness – Coming to terms with the situation
In this phase of the program we will review the current state of your relationship, including your status, the position of each partner, the current interaction between the partners, the role of the third party, the threats to the relationship, and options being considered. We will also build a timeline and a narrative of the relationship history, and determine the strengths and weaknesses in the relationship.
2. Assessment – How did we get to this place?
This phase explores any issues leading up to the current situation, or recurrent within the relationship, and the reasons for the current situation. The life vision and relationship vision of each partner are assessed and compared to each other’s and to the current situation. There is also an examination of the extramarital relationship and the needs being fulfilled through this.
3. Possibilities – What now?
Once there is awareness and assessment of the situation, we discuss all options for the future of the relationship. At this time there is no decision to be made. We begin to explore what each option would look like, and what impacts there would be to not only the parties involved, but also others who interact with them. There are no “rules” for this phase, and it is a very dynamic time when support is critical. No specific expectations are imposed, and it is important for each partner to use this time to sort out their feelings and figure out what they want for the future.
4. Repair and restore – Where to start and what to do
To repair a relationship scarred by infidelity, several steps need to occur. The first and most important of these is to be completely open about what has happened in the affair. This is beneficial for several reasons, including restoration of trust, and reconciling past comings and goings or lies. Additionally, much anger, hurt, and suspicion will be forthcoming and must be endured without complaint.
5. Healing - Building trust and a new vision
Once the relationship is reestablished, it will take time for safety and trust to rebuild. The affair does not get forgotten, and it will be some time before it recedes from a prominent position. It should be used to inform and establish a relationship that satisfies the needs of each partner, and as a reminder of circumstances that create the possibility of an affair. Further, the couple should consciously plan how they will keep their relationship alive and satisfying, and how to keep communicating closely.
6. You're on your own.
This program may take anywhere from one to three months. That does not mean that things are now OK. It takes a couple of years to completely recover. What it does mean is that you have gotten through the hard part, and you know how to manage the rest on your own. Monthly maintenance sessions are recommended.